It’s Prime Day! Are you ready for some sweet deals? It’s like Black Friday but without the heaving bodies pushing past you, fighting for the cheap bicycles and food processors.
It also only applies to Amazon Prime but since Amazon Prime is causing the downfall of high street retailers anyway, it’s pretty much like the whole world going on sale, with next day delivery.
But how do you make use of something like Prime Day? Well, first you calm yourself down, by which I also mean, get super excited because Prime Day is not just one day, it’s two days!
That’s right, two whole, blissful days, from midday July 15th through July 16th, of good deals and cheap prices. (I know, I know, I am sounding more and more like an advert.) The great thing about the ‘Day’ event being two days is that, if like many people in this world you had no idea it was Prime Day, you don’t have to panic buy.
Yes, you with the new refrigerator, laptop and ten dozen hanging plants in your basket. I am talking to you, do not click on the PayPal button just yet. Calm down. You have more than 23 hours to make a decision about a potentially massive but now more reasonably priced product – what luxury.
Let’s look at this in a relaxed and calm manner. First thing to know is that there are lightning deals, deals that grant you only a brief window of time to make the most of them. However, there are over 600 pages of these lightning deals, so a leisurely browse is not your friend. Instead, with a speed that is superhuman and a gaze as powerful as Spiderman’s, scan the page.
Do you want to buy two belt buckles for £11.90? No! What about hypothermal underwear for £24.43? That one doesn’t actually sound like the greatest of deals. What about a portable blackout curtain decorated with stars, that can be stuck to any window with suction pads, you’re saving £20…Well, all of these incredibly enticing items could be yours, but you only have one hour, or eight hours, or maybe just 30 minutes to jump on the deal and make that purchase.
Goodness, isn’t this exhilarating!
Then there are the deals for everything under £15. Be prepared for the whole world of weird and wonderful to jump out, from microfibre towels to knock-off versions of UNO. Beard balm kits, disposable vacuum bags and sharpening stones, all could be yours. I would love to tell you what sits on page 130 of the £15 deals. But they (and by “they” I mean the great Amazon gods) will only let me move forward a page at a time and I don’t care enough to click over 100 times.
The main problem we seem to be coming across with this great Prime sale is that I didn’t actually wake up this morning feeling like I urgently needed to buy anything. And the items on sale don’t actually appeal to me.
I mean, sure I could buy an Alexander McQueen pair of sunglasses for a shockingly affordable price, but I have never considered it before so why would I buy a pair now?
No, the best way to make use of Prime Day is to follow the advice of the world’s most practical people. What is the best way to make use of incredible deals and free delivery?
Buying a year’s worth of toilet paper or even just a month’s worth of toilet paper? There is nothing more awkward than trying to bulk buy a 24-pack of 3 ply Andrex. But this way you could have it delivered to your door and it will cost 30% less. That is truly how you win at life.
Prime Day is also a great day to invest in a pregnancy pillow. A whole-body pillow that looks ridiculously comfortable, whether or not you are actually pregnant.
The best deals for Prime Day though, are undoubtedly the discount on branded Lego. Star Wars Lego is infamously expensive and at 44% off, well, Amazon is practically giving it away.
What I am saying here, is that if you are going to impulse buy anything, don’t buy a new phone or back scratcher that’s going to stay in your wardrobe long enough that it will grow a tree in Narnia. No, the only acceptable thing to waste your money on is Lego.