What if we let Larry the cat choose the next British Prime minister? Just think about it. Larry, the famous brown and white tabby of No 10 Downing Street, selects the next Prime Minister of the United Kingdom! Why don’t we just leave that tremendous responsibility to the Chief Mouser to the Cabinet Office?
Normally there would be a perfectly good reason for Larry not to choose the next PM. What reason is that? Oh, just a little a thing called democracy, but after all, no one is letting us vote this time around. And sure, in Britain we may vote for representatives rather than the PM themselves, but at a general election we still might find our vote swayed by the party leader. So, since the British public has no say in whether Johnson or Hunt are running the country, why not let Larry the cat decide?
Surely this is better than allowing the entirety of the Conservative party to make the decision? The ancient Egyptians worshipped cats for a host of worthy reasons. And I think by now Larry has proved himself to be rather politically minded. You don’t become Chief Mouser by lazing around doing nothing, Larry knows how to spot a rat…
But I suppose before we hand over full political control to the feline, we should examine his credentials and any potential biases.
Where does Larry the cat sit on the topic of Brexit and immigration? It wouldn’t be surprising if Larry believed in an open-door agreement, after all he has been spotted mewing at the black door of 10 Downing Street asking to be let inside enough times. And as for deportation, we all saw him stand his ground as he was ushered inside for Theresa May’s recognition speech. The cat had to be forcefully removed, so I can’t imagine it’s a policy he is practically fond of.
Where he sits on foreign policy is unknown, but I can’t imagine it is a particularly open one. In moments of scandal Larry has been known to get quite violent with Palmerston, the chief mouser for the Foreign Office across the street. The two have had various violent scraps, which really doesn’t bode too well for government stability.
Most famously, Larry does not like Trump. The tabby showed his distaste for the American president on his last visit to the UK. While protestor after protestor attempted to hamper and upset Trump’s visit, it was Larry who managed to disrupt it in the end. The feline simply placed himself under the President’s car and refused to be coaxed out.
And if there is a nice bit of shade, why would you move? The world may not revolve around Larry but there’s no need for it to revolve around anyone else.
We know that Larry is a Conservative, as the feline entered office in 2011 under the Cameron administration, sharing his position with another tabby called Freya. Both cats shared a similar background of hardship. Larry assumed the position following a time spent in Battersea Dogs and Cats Home.
Freya, initially born into a position of wealth and prosperity as the cat of George Osbourne, the former Chancellor of the Exchequer, spent a period of her life living as a stray on the streets of London before being returned to the Osbourne’s in 2012. But Freya was restless following her time on the streets and rather than return to the lap of luxury, she took over the responsibility of political ratter from Larry.
Larry had come under fire for being a lazy rat catcher and was almost sacked my David Cameron in September 2012. Freya then took on the role in a more active position. But Freya’s desire to roam saw her wandering over a mile away from Downing Street and, following an unfortunate car accident, she retired to a more rural life in Kent.
Back when Rory Stewart, that hedgehog enthusiast, was still making a bid for PM he made sure to reach down and stroke Larry, so he knew who was really in charge.
Despite his rather rambunctious nature and apparent struggle to fulfil his duties, the four-legged civil servant remains a public favourite. His policies on the Formal Removal of Mice and Rat Habitation in Publicly Owned Official Government Buildings are yet to be implemented, but that does not stop most Brits agreeing that he is the best worker in No 10.
Who do we think Larry the cat will choose? I find myself wanting to say Boris Johnson purely because Boris paints boxes to look like London buses, and cats, as the internet will happily tell you, love boxes.
But then a ratter, even a lazy Larry, might find the name Hunt, to be rather appealing. However, with the Conservative Party vote closing on July 21st, we are running out of time.